There is Beauty All Around

I think this is my discouragement BLOG. Or perhaps the honesty blog? Years ago, after Roxcy died, I got a call one day from my Mormon Bishop. He asked how I was doing. I gave him the universal answer, "I am fine." 

He said, "You are not fine. I want your honest answer."

After that I began writing in my journal my Daily "HA", my honest answer.How I really felt. The answers I would not usually share with anyone else. My HA, because HaHaHa.... I had forgotten how to laugh. How to feel. Happiness for me had become a fleeting thing.

We say, "How are you?" And most of the time, we do not want to know the other person's aches and pains, we do not want the truth. By habit we answer, "I am fine, thank you."

On July 11, 2011, the day SUBMAN was sentence, the only thing I remember Jeddy saying is that he wanted to see his mom smile again. He wanted to see me laugh. The powers that be, would that be God? Must have laughed at that moment? Since then, I have continued to be hit by a steady stream of life events that are not happy ones.

I am so tired. I just want to stop trying. To stop fighting. I don't want to be strong. I just want to find peace and joy.

If I could do anything all the time I would take pictures. So, here is a recent picture. Byron in Hawaii sent me one of his back-up cameras. Thank You Byron. You are a life saver.